~mdjabber

YAY! I got a new dog . . . well it is actually a 6 month old puppy! He is sooooo cute and well actually very well behaved. He is a quick learner and hopefully will get to be well trained. He is already able to go off leash! Though he still is distracted by other dogs and has a lot of work to go . . . he is finishing up his house training right now. Also we FINALLY decided on a name for him, Orion. He is named after the constellation of the hunter Orion. The constellation starts rising in late August which is when we got him. We adopted him from the shelter on the 19th. He is a mix. We think he has some Australian shepard,lab,chow (because of the black tounge), and terrier in him. He is black and tan and has two tan dots at the edge of each of his eyebrows. We are starting to clicker train him. What that means is that you have this clicker that you then associate with food, to the dog. Then when training him when he does something good you click it. That is so they get the good feeling that is associated with food. He is hilarious when he bounds around doing bunnyhops and playing with a ball! Soooo cute!

So this is my update on whats going on in my life. I am still in Colorado. My birthday is this Sunday!!! Yay! *does a happy dance* Everybody loves their birthday! 'tis true, 'tis true, those words of wisdom ring true in every mind . . . I think. Lol

Anyway, If you want to make me a peice of artwork as a present for my b-day and post it on dA I know I wouldn't object lol. Jk well unless you actually do then I am not kidding at all, hehe.

My cousins 21 birthay is tommorrow so she is really excited. That day my Grammy and my dad's sister and co.(the rest of the family which is her husband, and my 4 cousins in THAT particular family) are coming and they are going to stay with us. Then on my b-day we are going up to a cabin in the mountains (we have done it for the past 2 years) with a bunch of different people and spending the night to celebrate the triple b-days. The triple b-days is referring to my cousins, my uncles (which is her dad), and mine. Yah that last sentence had really bad spelling. Anyways . . . it is more for my Uncle but it is still gonna be really fun I guess. I hope. I think it will be. I mean it always is.

Hmmm and that is as far into the future of plans of my life that I know right now. So adios and im out. Yah im weird and I know it. To clarify in case you did not know that is a good thing.

Colorado is good right now . . . the Grandparents are gone so that helps a bit in the level of stress in the family. I have been lazing around way to much. I did do an actual drawing recently but cant put it up bc guess what. . . I still havn't gotten a scanner and there is DEFINITELY not one here on this computer which only has PAINT!!! Gahness.

Ok when I get home I will have a scanner. . . at least before the New Year. I promise that.

So we are gonna have the cousins from Kansas visit and that will be a big schpeal (I just wanted to use that word!) because I have, in that family, 4 cousins and then their parents and then Grammy and that is only from Kansas! Here I have 2 cousins and a uncle and step-aunt and ounce-removed-aunt! And well thats enough info for now. I am done boring whoever actually reads my journals.

My B-day is coming up real soon! In fact it is this Sunday! Yay. I am so lazing around so much and in a slump of boredom . . . yet also I am sorta upset that on my B-day we are going up to the cabin for my Uncle's b-day which is right near mine . . . as well as is my cousins. I guess they will call it a joint celebration which it sorta is but It is more for my Uncle since . . . well I gtg and get off the comp so i might finish this later.

I have a severe lack or artwork. Not just on deviantart but in general also! How is it that I have just realized this? I mean I have always thought I just had a lot of unfinished stuff and scraps and scribbles of ideas scattered randomly in my room . . . things that I just had to get around to finding and finishing. I mean most of the stuff is in my head or from years ago anyway and a lot is not even up here on deviantart because I still have not gotten around to getting a scanner. I was attempting to use GIMP to turn a photo of some artwork into a resembelance of the intended artwok . . . I played around with this for like 3-5 hours . . . in the whole all I accomplished was deteriorating the whole thing and messing stuff up and then going back and doing the whole process over again as I attempted to use GIMP and it's tools to my advantage without really knowing what I was doing or intended to do, how, and if it was possible.

All my writing is uncompleted and from 8th grade and the years before! I mean what am I doing dabbling in art? I have no idea what direction I want to go and what to do and yet have sudden urges of inspiration that I cannot complete. I want to write . . . yet somehow I got drawn over to drawing even though I can only attempt and struggle to imitate art of the styles. I am frustrated by the images of art that form out of the black when I close my eyes and my inability to transfer the clear images to paper and because of my lack of patience I stuggle to complete art throughly without rushing myself and the art . . . so when I do struggle for hours to try and create SOMETHING and get NOTHING done it just discorages me more! I think I have lost my ability to write stories and the ideas and bursts of inspiration that used to flame up into my mind from within. I always pushed those aside to "store in my mind" thinking to write it on paper ounce my mind had created it to a point that it seemed more developed and not just a passing wisp of story that would dissolve in the attempt to solidify it onto the harsh reality of the plane of paper . . . dissapearing into the vast of magnificant ideas unable to appropiately be captured in the right context into words on paper. All that is hollow in my mind now, just as I thought it would have become if I attempted to write it down. The ones I did write down have promise if my mind can remember the original planning for the stories and the real idea behind the words so that I can change it in a way that they are comprehensible and sophisticated enough for now. This is often not possible though and I AM FACED WITH THE TRUE REALITY, for it now looms straight in front of me and penetrates my previous veiws with it's looming daggers of clarity, I have lost my creativity "well" that lent me the ideas for writing and yet I have never even taken the gift and put it to use, for I was to busy floating along and dabbling in a little "this" and a little "that" just thinking "oh later i will get to that later" and yet knowing my love for writing and those ideas surpassed all. I just thought it was a part of my soul and me and that the spark would never leave, that I would eventually make use of it and turn my creative skills to writing using the old ideas that I would have eventually by then have shaped to their full figures, and then I would happily astound everyone with my skills and become a writer all the while wearing a smile that said "I knew it all along, it was just a secret, i am mysterious and full of suprises so just watch and see" a smile of confidence and knowing and of full beleif in my own capabilities.

This is not so though for all I have is well . . . some old useless scraps of doodles and half finsihed scribbles that no longer resemble their ounce great potential to be formed into the artwork intended, the pieces that I was gonna finish "eventually" but now without the spirit and knowledge of what the great finished artwork was meant to be, the potential of the original idea is lost for the blueprint has dissapeared into the depths of my mind or better put it has been plunged into the shadoms of my creativity well, the well that has been sucked into a spinning vass of darkness, a vortex of black that is nothing but a super-compressed mass of a black hole.

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